I've steadily been moving forward on this road to being the best photographer I can be. However, it's come with a lot of head twisting looking back at where I've been. It has not by any stretch of the imagination been easy - enjoyable, yes but easy?
I'm not going to lie. The last couple of years have been hard. I have moments of spontaneous crying, times when I want to throw my computer at the wall, more self doubt that you can imagine. I've gone from loving an image to hating it in a manner of minutes. I've left sessions feeling miserable about things, not even wanting to load the images once I get home. Not that anything was wrong with the session - it's just that the day may not have gone the way it did in my imagination. Once I finish editing I realize things worked out just fine. Talk about your emotional roller-coaster! I've gone from thinking I know what I'm doing to feeling like I have no clue. It's been late nights of editing, designing, re-vamping and Google searches and countless conversations with my husband.
Despite all of that - I'm happier than I've ever been. There is no better feeling in the world to me than knowing I've done what I've set out to do - give someone an image they can be proud of . When I've given them an experience that is about them and for them. When I can show a person how stunning they are in real life and steer them away from their insecurities for just a moment I know I've done my job well.
The last 6 months have been good to me. I've had opportunities that I would have never dreamed of happening being given to me. I've shot some absolutely beautiful people. I've grown in my confidence and knowledge and have started to understand that this business is a process. Things are going to constantly change because life changes. I change.
So, I continue to refrain from wanting to throw my computer at the wall when my editing program goes wonky. I stopped crying months ago (although I still worry). I give myself my own pep talks and I believe with everything in me that this venture will be successful. Failure is absolutely not an option.
Most importantly, I can say without feeling small - my name is Tonia. I am a photographer.
~love your life, appreciate the small things. <3